Warning. Whiny post ahead!

Ugh. I just don’t know where to begin.

I deactivated my Facebook account about two months ago. This is the longest length of time I have stayed away from FB and its toxicity. I’ve posted about this before, so I won’t share too many other details. When you deactivate FB, you keep Messenger. I use that to communicate with my youngest child, so I kept that. I don’t check too often, but I did notice today that NO ONE, not a single one of my FB “friends” has messaged me. I didn’t announce my departure from FB because I didn’t to call attention to myself. Mind you, I religiously messaged certain friends on FB when they were going through hard times, etc. This stings.

On top of that, my BFF and I seem to have come to some sort of miscommunication standoff, mostly via text. Her birthday was a couple of weeks ago. I sent a card, sent a text, and I think we talked a bit. On the weekend of her birthday, I sent her a text asking if I could take her out for her birthday. She didn’t acknowledge the invitation, but did text back with some venting about family drama. Sharing family drama is something we do regularly, but I was hurt when she didn’t even thank me for the invitation. She spent time with her family that weekend, which is fine. That Sunday (Father’s Day), I was still pretty upset about that and didn’t reply to her until the next day. Frankly, it was late and I was pissed and tired. I started to notice a pattern that when she has to vent about something, most of what I have to say in a text gets ignored. It’s been this way for a while. There has always been an “imbalance of power” in our friendship. We have been very good friends since the mid 80s. We’ve been through a lot, both together and separately. Recently, she became a grandmother. I am happy for her, but she does know that this is a MAJOR sore point for me. My kids will be child-free and yes, I did dream of being a grandmother. That dream doesn’t die easily. I truly am happy for her. Her daughters and my kids spent a lot of time together as kids, so I saw them grow up.

Last week, I had some time off and we kinda sorta talked about meeting for lunch, but I wanted to spend my time off with my husband. There were other extenuating circumstances with her, so it never happend. We talked a bit last Saturday. Since then, I have been texting her, but she has not responded, even to important texts, like my 81 year old mother coming down with Covid on Monday.

I’m hurt and angry and thinking about throwing away a 35 year friendship. I want to offer the olive branch, but feel like the ball is in her court.

Empathy/sympathy is lacking

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you have heard about the OceanGate submersible and the tragic death of its occupants.

It has been all over the news, along with information about the people who paid the $250K to view the Titanic remains. This is what I found on Reddit today when I went to read more about it.

The horrific death of those people is a tragedy. Why should we have less sympathy for them because of their wealth or their politics? They were human beings with people who loved them. This callousness disgusts me.

A few weeks ago, two elderly protesters were brutally assaulted outside of a Planned Parenthood. Folks on the “other side” are cheering this as an act of revenge or them getting what they deserve. I’m purposely not including any other details because it is not important. The protesters were not breaking any laws or physically harming anyone. The assault was planned and executed by someone who wasn’t even a patient there.

It’s truly disheartening to see how far we have fallen as a society. This old hippie will now sign off and rest my weary heart. I can only take so much.

Diving headfirst into more social media!

I’ve been off Facebook for about 6 weeks now after about 13 years there. It’s hard to believe! Deactivating my Facebook account has been a journey. At first, I thought, yes, I’m finally free! After a few weeks I literally felt like I had lost my best friend. I didn’t make a big announcement of my departure, so no forwarding email address or anything like that. I still have Messenger in case anyone feels the need to reach out. My Facebook friends fall into a couple categories. Actual, real-life friends, family members, high school classmates, and people I “friended” on former social media sites/message boards. I also think there is one former work colleague. I haven’t heard from anyone except my real-life friends and family since my deactivation.

I decided to try out a couple social media sites. I did this to fill the void that Facebook left and to see how things were at these other places. I didn’t have high hopes, as I don’t want to start “friending” a bunch of new people, but I did want to have intelligent conversations with people about some subjects that interest me – books, sports, music, etc.

First was Tribel. This site was very user unfriendly. When you post something, you are asked to “choose your audience” among several categories (politics, humor, animals, etc.) I was also inundated with “friend” requests from what I think were men, but they could have been bots. Nope. Also, this is a very left-leaning site which seems to be mostly meme posting and reposting.

Next was MeWe, which I found to be mostly populated by trump conservatives. I decided to try it anyway and limited myself to joining groups which were anti-political and had strict “no politics or religion” rules. Things seemed great until they weren’t. I started getting “contact” requests. I accepted a few and then they started messaging me. The group page and group messaging became really hard to follow. I did enjoy the group dedicated to music, but unfortunately, I came to believe that a lot of people posting in these groups were only there to spam others with messages. Yesterday I deleted my account after 2 days.

There is also Mastadon, which seemed good, but was extremely confusing. The “instance” I was in was very quiet and not very active. I might actually revisit Mastadon.

I have Instagram, but I don’t post there. I left Twitter when Elon took over.

I like Reddit, but that’s more of a huge message board.

Do I need social media? No. Do I miss social media? Yes.

What I don’t miss about Facebook: “humble brag” posts, the constant barrage of grandchildren pictures (sore subject for me – no offense to any grandparents reading), the political divide. The political divide is also very prevalent among other sites, as I discovered.

What I have done with my time since being off of Facebook: read more, write more.

I hate feeling “addicted” to Facebook, but it’s going to take being off of it for a good long time before I stop missing it, I suppose.

Happy Pride Month!

Holding space for all of my LGBTQ + brothers and sisters this month and always. May we always feel safe wherever we are in the world.

I’m feeling pretty melancholy this year because unlike past years, this year feels almost unbearably heavy.

Some of you reading may not know what life was like “before.”

My great uncle Max had a partner named Charlie. I only remember meeting him a few times when I was a young child, but I distinctly remember him and Charlie. They were so handsome! Max was my mother’s favorite uncle, so she shared her memories with me. For context, my mother is 80, so she came of age in the 50s. Max and Charlie were adults then. In those days, there was no “pride,” just shame, but fortunately for my mother, her parents were progressive for the times. My father’s family was also progressive. So, my brother and I were raised with progressive values. Still, in the 70s, being gay (or bi/trans/queer), wasn’t something to be proud of. It was something you hid unless you were in a safe space. Friends may have suspected you were gay, and slurs were thrown around all.the.time, but at least where I grew up, peers were not threatened or ostracized for being gay.

Around 1983, I began going to gay clubs and had some friends who were out. I never once remember feeling threatened or unsafe in any way. For years, this trend of acceptance continued and it finally seemed that in 2015, a victory had been won and things would continue to improve.

The ever present recent threat of violence and some state governments’ intrusive and disgusting reach into the lives of those who don’t deserve it has gotten to me and I am having to purposely avoid the news so that I don’t get mired in negativity.

A town near me is having a Pride celebration this weekend and it would be a perfect opportunity to show my support for the community. Maybe I’ll head over to Target and pick up some Pride “merch” and wear it boldly this month.

I swallow my fear for my daughter, but she’s a black belt, so there’s that.

I Only See The Moon – The Milk Carton Kids

One of my favorite Americana groups has a new album out this month and it is amazing. A true feast for the ears with its complex harmonies, soaring guitar and banjo riffs and thought provoking lyrics.

Give this a listen.

What we do for “likes”

I took this picture last night. Immediately afterward, I wanted to post it online. I’ve deactivated my Facebook account and don’t use Instagram much, so I didn’t post it anywhere until now.

Why, I wondered, did I feel compelled to seek affirmation for my photo? It’s really not that special. It’s just that after almost 15 years, I’m conditioned to share things to an online audience.

We humans are affirmation seekers, and it’s not always a bad thing. I try to show appreciation for the blogs I follow so that the writers will know I appreciate the effort.

So, please admire this average photo, but remember that I appreciate every like and comment. 😁

Early 80s alternative music

Late 70s/early 80s music is the soundtrack of my coming of age, so of course, there are some great tunes from that era that I love and that have endured the test of time.

This post is going to feature some of the more obscure songs that hold a special place in my heart. I’d love to hear your thoughts on any of these songs or some of your own!

Man In the High Castle – TV recommendation

My husband was always a huge Phillip K. Dick fan and I have become a fan as well. I love any book, movie or TV show that is surreal, has elements of suspense and bonus – lots of mind fuckery.

Back in 2015, Amazon Prime adapted the novel and made a TV show. A little late to the game, but we started watching a couple of weeks ago. I had just finished 5 seasons of The Handmaid’s Tale on Hulu and was itching for a new binge-worthy series. It is awesome. If you like dystopian, alt-history sci-fi, you will love this. Here is a brief description: This series, loosely based on Philip K. Dick’s novel of the same name, takes a look at what the world might look like had the outcome of World War II turned out differently. In this dystopian scenario, the Axis powers won the war, leading to the United States being divided into three parts, an area controlled by the Japanese, a Nazi-controlled section, and a buffer zone between the two. Despite the oppression, a new hope emerges when films turn up that seem to show a different world. A woman believes the films contain the key to freedom and is determined to find their mysterious guardian.

If you’ve watched this, no spoilers, please, but let me know what you thought.

A new purchase – totally frivolous!

As the caption says, this is my new bike, my Zizzo Forte. I have never had a folding bike before, so it’s been a slight learning curve in folding and unfolding, but so far, it’s been super fun! This was taken the first week I bought it, when the weather was good enough to ride. As an aside, it feels like winter is back here in the eastern U.S. I had a few occasions to ride it, but sadly, it’s been folded up for a few weeks now.

I have a non-folding bike that I really do like; however, every so often, I would be out and about and wished I had my bike. It got to be a hassle to load it up on my trunk rack and made me nervous whenever I did.

I am what the bicycling community would refer to as a casual rider. I don’t aspire to riding century rides (a 100 mile ride!) or getting out on the shoulder of a busy road. I prefer trails and roads that are not busy and enjoying the scenery.

So, here’s to sunny days and long rides on the trail.

Who are chosen as role models?

Unless you live under a rock, you have undoubtedly heard about Dylan Mulvaney and the Bud Light marketing campaign. You may have seen a video of Kid Rock shooting at cans of beer to express his apparent disgust at the beer cans bearing Dylan’s face.

Some of my readers may already know that I am the parent of a transgender woman. She is not out everywhere and that is a wise decision on her part. I’m not overly concerned for her safety, as she is a black belt, but there is always the possibility of a hate crime.

Back to Dylan and Budweiser. I am not sure sure who thought that this would be a good marketing strategy, given the current political/social climate in this country. As a matter of fact, there have been a few firings over it.

Representation matters and I applaud the efforts made by television, film, and in the corporate world. However…I don’t think Dylan Mulvaney was a wise decision to represent the majority of transgendered people. This snippet from a recent article by Elizabeth Scalia has a few good points:

As predisposed to trans-acceptance as I am, something about Dylan Mulvaney sets my teeth on edge.

Maybe it’s the fact that the 365 Days of Girlhood began with a lot of creepy “little girl” outfits that — as a woman who survived child sexual abuse — I found stomach-turning. I find myself thinking of Dylan as an energetic performance artist whose shtick I cannot buy.

Possibly that’s because “buying” has become so synonymous with Mulvaney’s persona and the manic materialism is off-putting? Perhaps. Watching a recent video in which Mulvaney tore through a Kate Spade shop like a loud, Midwestern tornado looking for the “perfect” (and costly) spring handbag, I was put off by the tone deaf, over-the-top mindlessness of “buying pretty things” in a time of economic hardship for many.

But I was also annoyed by the idea that this is how women live — that we are empty-headed hyenas hyperventilating over purses; that we take bubble baths while wearing pearls and sipping light beer; that we skip about like 5-year-olds, exercise like Rockettes and babble in surprise about how March Madness is actually about sports.

Camp is a big part of drag and has been since Milton Berle and Flip Wilson broke that ground in the mainstream, so long ago. Nevertheless, I get why some women think of Mulvaney as a kind of giddy minstrel offering up the most harmful of female stereotypes for public consumption. Moreover, the presentment of an adult female body that looks like a child’s — or an adolescent male’s — both roils the gut and does nothing to help women who are trying to move past Madison Avenue messaging that they can never be good enough without this handbag, or that body. It is good and important for us to listen to and hear our LGBTQ brothers and sisters. But women who are offended by this need to be heard as well.

There are millions of transgendered people living quiet lives. You may not even know they are trans. I suppose I understand why Bud Light chose Dylan as the face of their marketing campaign. I just wish they had chosen someone else. Laverne Cox might have been a good choice. Even Chaz Bono, perhaps.

This has not helped the acceptance of trans people, it has hurt it and this opinion is shared by many other transgendered people. I cannot wait for Dylan’s 5 minutes of fame to be over for good.