Warning. Whiny post ahead!

Ugh. I just don’t know where to begin.

I deactivated my Facebook account about two months ago. This is the longest length of time I have stayed away from FB and its toxicity. I’ve posted about this before, so I won’t share too many other details. When you deactivate FB, you keep Messenger. I use that to communicate with my youngest child, so I kept that. I don’t check too often, but I did notice today that NO ONE, not a single one of my FB “friends” has messaged me. I didn’t announce my departure from FB because I didn’t to call attention to myself. Mind you, I religiously messaged certain friends on FB when they were going through hard times, etc. This stings.

On top of that, my BFF and I seem to have come to some sort of miscommunication standoff, mostly via text. Her birthday was a couple of weeks ago. I sent a card, sent a text, and I think we talked a bit. On the weekend of her birthday, I sent her a text asking if I could take her out for her birthday. She didn’t acknowledge the invitation, but did text back with some venting about family drama. Sharing family drama is something we do regularly, but I was hurt when she didn’t even thank me for the invitation. She spent time with her family that weekend, which is fine. That Sunday (Father’s Day), I was still pretty upset about that and didn’t reply to her until the next day. Frankly, it was late and I was pissed and tired. I started to notice a pattern that when she has to vent about something, most of what I have to say in a text gets ignored. It’s been this way for a while. There has always been an “imbalance of power” in our friendship. We have been very good friends since the mid 80s. We’ve been through a lot, both together and separately. Recently, she became a grandmother. I am happy for her, but she does know that this is a MAJOR sore point for me. My kids will be child-free and yes, I did dream of being a grandmother. That dream doesn’t die easily. I truly am happy for her. Her daughters and my kids spent a lot of time together as kids, so I saw them grow up.

Last week, I had some time off and we kinda sorta talked about meeting for lunch, but I wanted to spend my time off with my husband. There were other extenuating circumstances with her, so it never happend. We talked a bit last Saturday. Since then, I have been texting her, but she has not responded, even to important texts, like my 81 year old mother coming down with Covid on Monday.

I’m hurt and angry and thinking about throwing away a 35 year friendship. I want to offer the olive branch, but feel like the ball is in her court.